For most parents, the go-to strategy for evaluating your child's performance is in comparison. To decide whether your child's academic achievements are "normal," better, or great, you compare their grades to those of other students. However, in reality, it has the opposite outcome, making the child feel depressed since it lowers their self-esteem.
It leaves behind long-lasting emotional wounds that are hard to recover from. Aggression, hostility, and resentment are the outcomes. All of these traits hinder the individuals' progressive growth and progress.
Here are 4 reasons why the constant comparison is hurting your kids' lifelong learning:
1. It Destroys Self-Esteem And Breeds Self-Doubt
Every youngster is unique and talented. However, when they are judged against their classmates, they begin to question their skills, and an inferiority complex develops. They begin to doubt their own ability to accomplish goals. The constant comparison will inevitably lower your child's self-esteem. No matter how hard your child works to reach success, the more difficult their journey will be. They will start to think less of themselves than their peers and will consequently doubt their own talents. Regardless of what they do, if they still learn that they must follow the other child in order to do well, this undermines their confidence. The feeling of being useless begins to take hold. This may make their performance even worse.
2. Your Child Loses Focus On Learning
It is fundamental to human psychology that once we realise that it is practically impossible to satisfy someone, we eventually cease attempting to do so. If your child understands that you never feel pleased with them, they will stop trying and simply do what makes them happy. Your child will eventually begin to think poorly of others as a result of your repeated comparisons, and they will continually seek out methods to humiliate, degrade, and show down other people when the focus should actually be to learn for the sake of learning.
3. Their Talent Gets Suppressed
Children who don't feel appreciated by their parents often don't feel appreciated by others, or at least that's how they see it. Due to their self-doubt and lack of self-confidence, they begin to avoid social settings and become easily agitated. The child loses hope and falls victim to a negative feedback loop instead of striving harder. What's more concerning is that the youngster loses interest in the interests or skills he is adept at since they go unnoticed.
4. It Hampers Their Ability To Learn Something New
The more you compare your kid to their friends or siblings, the less likely they are to participate in social events and gatherings. As a result, they will eventually only experience disappointment and misery, making them feel as though they are "not good enough." They won't take on any new learning endeavours.
Even if they attempt, the ongoing stress they experience will prevent them from being able to concentrate on learning new things on their own, whether it is for academics or any other extracurricular activity.
Nothing is more precious to a parent than their child. A child should experience unconditional affection for who she is, not for being superior to others. With constant comparison, your relationship with your child also suffers as they stop confiding in you.
Setting benchmarks instead of comparisons is a much better approach as it motivates them as well as keeps them competitive. Your parenting self-worth shouldn't be influenced by how well your child does in school or on the sports field. Keep in mind that you are not your child. Every time you urge your child to do something they don't want to do, consider this.